Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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