Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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