so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
