Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
