Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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