At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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