I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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