Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize