he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His nipple licking is glorious
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