Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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