No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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