Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
