HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
