She said her name was "party"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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