She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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