Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
