He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
