I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
