if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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