I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
