I want to make a zoo with you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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