sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
