I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
