Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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