Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I color on your dick again?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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