The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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