We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
