Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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