you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize