Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
