I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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