If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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