I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
