Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
