Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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