dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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