No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
