I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm jealous of your bromance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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