i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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