Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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