No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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