well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
pray to the hookup gods
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
