you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
