she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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