DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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