I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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