May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
