I will die if light touches me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
