absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
