if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
