I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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