I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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