Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
