Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
