there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
