thus making me awesome and them whores
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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