it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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