I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
