It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
