The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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