if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
