Say something about gay babies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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